A Batty Story

How many of you have ever seen a bat up close? Im talking eye to eye here? I never had until I moved into a rental home about 19 years ago. My first encounter with a bat scared the living shit out of me. Seriously.

I don't know what it is about moving, but for two consecutive house moves, I came down with a wonderful case of intestinal flu. Oh joy. Imagine yourself in your new home, only the third night there, still not knowing where things are. You have just moved into a home with pocket doors to the living room (very cool, I might add), where your one year old son is sleeping peacefully in his crib until you find a better place to put him. There is another door to the bathroom. I was really glad that there was a door to the bathroom, because my guts were in a severe state of distress. Well, here it was, nighttime and I am in bed, getting up because my intestinal contents are about to explode. As I step out of bed, I see something run past my foot! I scream, my bowels empty....oh dear Lord. When I say that I had the shit scared out of me, I meant that literally too.



At the moment, since what I saw was so near to the floor and went under the door that led to the bathroom, I thought I had seen a mouse! I was none to pleased about having a mousey in the housey, but I could handle that. I proceeded to the potty to finish the job. I was sitting there minding my "business" (after cleaning up thoroughly, I might add), and while I was in no position to move (except for my bowels), what do I spy flapping in through the other bathroom door that led from the kitchen?



Oh my goodness! That was no mouse!!! That was a BAT!!!! Screaming resumed with a vengeance. My poor achey belly loosened up yet again!



Have you ever seen these things flying through a house? They look like freaking condors!



Anyhow, my husband (now the ex-husband) came running, and I told him I saw a bat. As soon as I was able, I dashed from the throne to the bed. My hubby was searching for a broom. Oh heavens, where did we put that thing? He finally found it at about the same time I saw the loathesome critter swooping over my dear baby's crib!



Of course, I screamed yet again, this time telling him to "save my baby! Save my baby!" He grabbed the tot, handed him off to me, shut the pocket doors, and the now crying sweetie and I hunkered under the covers and waited for Daddy to save the day.

I have to chuckle at the memory because all I would hear was a man-scream followed by a thud several times over. Finally my hero of the day said he thought he got it. I ventured out into the kitchen where he showed me the wee dead critter in my dust pan.

"Is this it, honey?" he asked. Uh, duh!!! Not like I thought to ask the creature from hell his name before he interrupted my bathroom activities! I told him that it sure looked like a bat to me, and to please before I have to look at it any more take the damn thing outside!

Over the years, we were visited by bats several other times. One summer we had three! Yikes! I would never go down to the basement after dark, because sometimes I would see them down there. To this day, I am none too fond of basements.

Why oh why can't they be cute little stinkers like the bats pictured below? Aren't these almost adorable?



I know, cuteness. Unfortunately, if one of them ends up in my home, he will be dead meat.

By the way, none of these pics are mine. I found them all on Google Images.

Happy Halloween! And this season, may you only encounter the fake bats!